“As Christians, we are called to convert our loneliness into solitude. We are called to experience our aloneness not as a wound but as a gift–as God’s gift–so that in our aloneness we might discover how deeply we are loved by God.” ~ Henri Nouwen ~
Oh how I could write a book on this topic… I could write about how alone I felt in my pregnancy with Emma Grace, and how that was a precious precious time with my savior. I could write about how alone I felt in ICU for 4 months, while we were waiting for her donor heart, and how in the midst of the storm I felt peace. I could write about this last month, and all of the changes cancer has brought to me and my family, how alone I feel on the radiation table each week, how alone I feel facing chemo for the next year…. yet I know that I know that I am resting in the palm of his hand…
If I were to write a book, I would title it “Still Standing”, because after all my family has been through in the last decade, my foundation hasn’t shifted… I have gotten off my rock a time or two, but it never moved. It has remained firm underneath my feet.
I often say that Christ never left His throne, He just brought me closer to it…Its in the loneliness that I have found Him. Its in the still small moments that I know He will never leave me nor forsake me. When I keep my eyes focused on him, I am secure and at peace, just like Peter. When he took his eyes off of Jesus, he noticed the waves around him, and he sank. When Jonah ran from God, he found himself in the belly of a whale… can you imagine? Talk about getting your attention! In those moments, Jonah became closer to Jesus than ever before…
When I am having a rough day because of the combination of Chemo and Radiation, He is there.
When I cant muster up the strength to face another treatment, He is there.
When I feel alone and worthless, He is there.
He will not leave me comfortless (Jn. 14:18) When I call, He will answer me (Is. 58:9) He loves me (Is. 43:4) He will never leave me (Gen. 28:15) He is my help and my deliverer. (Ps. 40:17)
Before cancer, I would often listen to other cancer patients say that they consider their cancer a gift. I thought to myself “How crazy is that…” But finding my life on the same path as theirs, I can see where they were coming from. I cherish every moment for the gift that it is, even alone times, because none of us are promised a tomorrow.
It took cancer to teach me that.
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Heather I read your entries everyday, but don’t comment that often. You are still such a blessing and encouragement. I do think very often, “Wonder what Heather would do or feel in this situation”. I am trying to take to heart and learn the lessons you are learning. Thank you for being a nearly perfect teacher!! HE is proud of you!
Leigh
by Leigh GrayI’m proud of you! Did I read “Book”?
Love ya!
Dad
by DadYes, yes… book… there are many who would be blessed… I think I said something about this before… any others?
You go girl…
by Amy (Dandelion Seeds)While I am not being treated for cancer at the Texas Cancer Center, mine is a chronic, auto-immune disorder, I understand where you are coming from. In the 3 years that this has been ongoing, I have learned more about my heavenly Father than I thought possible! My post about Father’s Day touches on my inability to to “connect” with God the Father. Jesus was easy for me to love and cling to, God seemed more aloof to me. It took this health crisis for me to open up to the Father and experience His love for me. Iliterally saw myself crawling into His lap and feeling His arms enfold me and hold me close. Once I understood and “felt” that, how could I not give thanks that God had allowed that to come into my life so I could experience that!
by Connie HopkinsOk, just read your dad’s comment Heather. You SHOULD write a book…you could you know. You have a way with words and with conveying your thoughts so eloquently. And such a way with portraying what Christ is doing in your life through your trials. You really are a great inspiration to others.
I have to say, like your first commenter, Leigh GRay, I think about how you would react in a situation and how your Christ-like countenance always shows through. I compare my every day petty frustrations (which amount to nothing) to your trials and realize how very much I have to be thankful for. And seeing you praise him in the storm…well, that just kicks me in the butt.
Anyway, keep pressing on Heather (as you are) because you are a Godly inspiration to me and many others.
Dana
by DanaHeather, sweetie, you are writing a book. One that we are reading everyday. One that makes me cry, makes me smile, but more than anything gives me hope. As you share what God is teaching you in your lonliness, you are teaching me/others so much. Bless you for that!
by Miriam PaulineI love your dad’s post! Might I second that thought?
Yes, you are truly a blessing. God has given you the beautiful ability to put into words what He is doing in your life. It is treasure to see God and His work in your life.
Thanks for sharing!
by SusanI am your friend in faith & prayer. The last time I sent something I said you don’t know me, do I have to keep saying that or is it OK now to read and respond every now and then ?
I keep up with you and I am strengthened by your faith.
I hope today is a good day. God Bless.
-Jen P
p.s. I have this quote on my computer, “The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is today.”
Start the book already !
by JenPEvery time I read your posts, I’m encouraged by you and want to get closer to Jesus. What a ministry you’ve been given!
by JennOk……..I absolutley LOVE how you put that…..”He never left the throne, he just drew me closer to it!” (big sigh……) how refreshing is that!!! I prayed for you this morning, I’d LOVE to read your book!! =)
by Nickiheather,
by marianne daltoni have often thought that my cancer was also a “gift’ in the sense that i felt surrounded and floating at times during my treatments! there were so many people praying for me , perfect strangers in my world, and at the worst moments of chemo , i would feel their love and God’s love lifting me to a higher place . it was so humbling and such a beautiful gift.
Heather-
by JenniferThank you for continuing to post and share your beautiful faith and strength in the Lord. I too think about you in my struggles (tiny compared with yours) and think “if Heather can have faith and hope in her situation surely I can in mine”. You are such a wonder and testament to God’s goodness here on Earth. And I thank God for you everyday. God Bless sweetie! Have a GREAT day!
PS-Was so excited to hear that you had a ‘normal’ day the other day and could take Easton to the mall/movie. That shows the power of our Lord!
Heather,
This may be the best CWO post I have ever read. I second, third and ……the idea of you writing a book! Still Standing…is the perfect title! Yes, God is still on His throne!
God Bless you dear blogging friend!
Diane
by DianeSounds like this is going to be the nominating committee for a book! I say write a book too!
He is there - through thick and thin and even in my sin; I just need to turn to Him!
Love your thoughts on the quote.
by Lana G!I have read a lot of books, but I have to say reading your post is so refreshing. You have a wonderful perspective and way with words. Your “eyes wide open” look at life is so needed. It is so easy to get caught up with life’s challenges…I love how you get caught up in Him!
I echo the posts here, you Go Girl! Write the book!
Paula
by PaulaI have been following your journey and though you feel alone, there are so many who are praying for you. I know you recognize God’s presence everyday- I can see it in your posts- and you are glorifying God throughout this process. God bless you, Heather.
by ChristineMy heart overflows with a good theme; I address my verses to the King;
My tongue is the pen of a ready writer. Psalm 45:1
This blog was a great encouragement to me, giving me the words for something I have experienced, but wasn’t able to express. Thank you, Heather. May God continue to anoint your pen for His glory.
Jill Novak
by Jill NovakYes, my dear you should write a book. You are a precious blessing.
by DeniseThere is a young girl in my community named Brittany who has cancer. After a really long struggle and many miracles, she is not doing well. I have seen a community of people come together for this little girl through garage sales, fund raising, and many other things to help her family. She has not been feeling well today, and tonight, she was rushed to the hospital, suffering from dizziness, headaches and unbearable pain. The MRI did not look good. The tumor is growing. Despite everyone’s prayers, thoughts, support and never ending love, Brittany is quickly losing her battle. Tonight is not a good night for this family. I really have no words that will do this situation justice. My heart is breaking for this little girl and her family.
http://prayforbrittany.org/aboutus.aspx
by SJust how did you grow in wisdom to such an extent at such a young age? Heather, I have so much to learn from you. I *am* learning so much from you. God is working through you, I believe, will continue to do so to His glory.
What a blessing you are to me. I continue to pray for you as you and your family journey this painful growing season together.
by ToniBlessings,
~Toni~
Aloneness must be a theme today…I wrote about it too and didn’t even know about the “In other words” quote today.
I praise Him today Heather for what you have written. I am glad that you have found Him immovable and unshakable…just like the verse that says, so that the things that may be shaken will fall away and the things that can’t be, like your relationship with Him, will still stand! I need to know that about Him….
Praying for you today!
Love in Him,
Holly
PS I’d buy several copies of that book of yours! Get to writing it, Girl…I think it is a story worth telling and reading about :)
by Holly SmithIt is strange, isn’t it? How you can call a diagnosis a gift. But it makes you realize the gifts that you already had. That is the one good thing about illness.
A book?
Wow!
You’re inspiring!
by BeverlyWalking through the fire that God does not put out causes great refining in the heart. So much so, that it illuminates your face and the world around you. love walking with you HD
by Mark GeorgeBlessings on you dear one…
by Ellen B.“we are called to convert our loneliness into solitude”. wow. but how to do that? i am 58 yrs old and still suffering depression from the fact that both our children and their families choose to live hundreds of miles away. we have good relationships - they just don’t want to live in dallas. i miss my family. it is all i have. i suffer extreme loneliness. family was everything when they were growing up - all the family lived here and we spent holidays, birthdays, celebrations together. now it is fleeting and occasional. i admire your strength in the face of a much bigger crisis.
by janI thought the same thing…cancer, a gift?? But I did find it to be true!
I also found the Lord to be true to His word! He will never leave you or forsake you! and He will give grace in abundance at just the right moment. I know how hard it is to face yet another treatment, but somehow God’s grace is always right there jsut when you need it and it gets you through! How amazing!
Still praying for you in Wisconsin!
by GinaGina
Hey Heather, I haven’t commented in awhile but I still check in with you here a few times a day. This has been an amazing process watching it from the outside. You are a wonderful, talented writer. You very accurately describe the ups, the downs and the sames (God’s still on His throne!). You should write a book and you should go back and start with blog posts you’ve written. Shoot, even if you just put the blog posts in a book, I’d read it :)
Stay strong my dear sister in Christ!
by Lisa B @ simply HisLisa B.
Your life is an epistle read by many…changing many…
Thank you for such a treasured gift.
Prayers continue, daily.
by LyricThank you for the reminder that no matter what is happening in our lives HE IS THERE and to find security and peace we need to keep our eyes focused on Him no matter what our circumstances, (it’s hard at times, I know).
I agree, write that book and your blog posts would be a great devotional book as well!
by Nise'Heather,
You should write a book, I learn and feel something SO VERY AWESOME, each and everytime I read your posts. I am alway braught closer to the Lord when reading your posts. Thank you! YOU are such an Inspiration to me sis. You will never know how very much you mean to me. WE GET EACHOTHER, and many times we are the only ones that do. ;) LOL
Love you sis!
by CatHeather ~ I am so glad that you have realized how sure a foundation that you have. While on the Internet, I masquerade as His Little Handmaiden, Acceptance-with-Joy… but in truth I have just assumed the name. You live it abundantly ~ Blessings to you!
by Julie@Shanan TrailHeather,
by AngieI’ve never been here before, but from what I have read….you write that book! God is doing big things in your life!
I will be back…you are in His Hands! What a place to be :)
Blessings to you,
Angie from Florida
I wrote about loneliness today, and I love Henri Nouwen, so a friend pointed me here to your blog. I am so glad she did, I feel very encouraged by your faith. Thank you.
by BarbaraSo good to see you posting with IOW again. I think I could write that book with you Heather. Thank you for sharing your heart through all your posts - even the lonely times. God is shinning through you dear.
by LoniYou are a poster child for perseverance! Wonderful post.
Also, we are women! We are allowed to cry over things as small (NOT) as losing our hair. Crying cleanses out some of those bad feelings and then God puts in good ones and gives us the strength to move on. Be proud.
by GwenOu have obviously touched many people as you fight the battles that you are facing. I think a book would be a wonderful idea - I for one would rush out to buy it. What an inspiration you are!
by jeanette“I cherish every moment for the gift that it is, even alone times, because none of us are promised a tomorrow.”
It took being widowed suddenly, with two young children, at the age of 24 to teach me that. Would I have chosen to lose my husband? No way! But I am so grateful for the beauty that God made from those ashes. I have never been more blessed than I am now, and truly appreciate every second I get to be with my loved ones.
You’re doing well, my friend. You’re learning and stretching with each of God’s promptings, and blessing so many with your willingness to share the journey. Bless you!
by Blaine @ 5McCKidsI come and read every day that you post but don’t often comment because there are so many comments that you must have trouble getting to the end of them. But you touch my heart so deeply. Your faith is a beautiful thing to be able to witness. You’re still in my prayers.
by Morning GloryYour post touches me deeply. It often feels so lonely for me, too, and yet I’m not going through chemo or having my hair fall out. I can’t imagine what that’s like. I only remember what my mother went through, and overcame. Sometimes what we’re going through is something we can’t share out loud. And so your post helps me realize how very close Jesus is—to both of us. Thank you for letting Him use you this way. May His grace prove more than sufficient over and over again. You are loved. And read. (write the book!)
hugs,
by VickiVicki