I have been reading a book called “Another Morning“. Here is how Amazon describes this totally inspiration book:
“To raise a child while living with cancer is to have your heart break. We have to learn how to live with broken hearts.†So says one of the mothers interviewed in this powerful, inspirational, and deeply moving book, a tapestry of voices from ordinary women coping with every mother’s nightmare: a cancer diagnosis while raising children.
It’s difficult to imagine a group more in need of attention and support than seriously ill mothers. Yet, women confronting the profound collision of mothering and cancer struggle amidst a remarkable absence of services or resources. Another Morning bridges that gap. The stories are interwoven with the author’s personal and professional reflections, drawing on her 25 years as a public health educator specializing in maternal-child health, and her experience as a mother. She explores themes of universal interest and concern for mothers: What can we do to responsibly prepare ourselves and our young for life’s inevitable losses? Can a mother ever be seen as both strong and fallible, as a whole human being?
For mothers and all those who care about them, this book is an invaluable companion and source of comfort, full of insights, guidance, and real-world wisdom.
Every young mother facing cancer should read this book, I highly recommend it, but that is not what this post is about!
After reading the first chapter, I thought about my support group. There is only one mother other than myself who has kids at home. One. Out of many. Yet I know that cancer is so very prevalent in the lives of young moms, look at the group “I’m 2 Young 4 This” in my sidebar… So I called the Wellness Community, where my support group meets, and asked if they have anything for young moms going through cancer? The answer, no. I thought about that and wondered why… was it that they didn’t have time, or that they didn’t have the resources available to them so they fight through the daily questions on their own?
I decided to ask the Support Group leader if we could start a “Mothering Through Cancer” support group. They already had a “Im to young for cancer” support group, but that doesn’t meet the specific needs of parenting through cancer and all the questions it brings with it. Such as how to answer questions from your kids about death, or reading their body language. When to push and when to back down. I know when Easton broke down at our kitchen table and said she was afraid I would die, my mother heart wanted to tell her that I would be with her always, I would never ever leave her…. but that is not a promise that I (or anyone for that matter) can keep. I know that there are other mothers who face the same questions from their kids and don’t know how to answer them.
So back to the Support Group leaders answer. She said that she would talk to her boss, but she thought it was a wonderful idea. She asked if I would be willing to commit to coming, even if no one else came for a while, and of course I said yes. She also asked if I would be willing to stay in the larger cancer support group on Thursday mornings, and I of course said yes.
Last Thursday she told me that her boss thought it was a wonderful idea! So please pray that the Lord will pour out His blessings on this new adventure. Our first meeting is November 6 (Tues) at 12:30. I told her that when I am on chemo I will not be able to make it, she just smiled and nodded :)
I’m really excited about this, but more importantly I want the Lord to use me in whatever way possible to help other young mothers out there who are facing this disease. I want this to be a positive influence in peoples lives, yet I know that I need somewhere to vent about the ugliness of this disease, so please pray for balance between the two. I know that it will take quite a while to build it up, but it will be worth it in the long run! Maybe it wont, and people will flock to it. I know that I would have welcomed the opportunity to meet and discuss these issues when I first was diagnosed… and still today I have many questions that this support group would be beneficial in answering.
I am going to put fliers at all of the oncology doctors offices and all the radiation facilities in the area. I still have to make them, that is on my list of Todays “To Do’s” :)
Cancer is no respecter of age, color, or man. 1 in 10 cancer survivors is under 40, yet they still have families to raise, events to take their kids to, ball games to attend, all while fighting for their lives.
I’m 32. I have cancer. When I find myself in a crowd, I often think about the above statistics. 1 in 10.
That is just way too many lives.
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Wow. What an awesome opportunity! Keep us updated.
by KarlaPraying for you & the many other lives you touch now and in the future. :)
Heather this sounds like a God opportunity! go girl!
by Amy Grant BaylissYou go girl!! Can’t think of a better person to startup or lead a group like that. Praying for God’s strength and wisdom for you and for His boundless love to enfold you and your loved ones.
Love and hugs from the wilds of Scotland
by Scottyxx
Amazing opportunity! Will add this to my prayers…
by LyricWhat a great way to reach more people in need. What a wonderful idea. Keep on, you’re doing great! I’m praying that this will take off!
by gomomyourockWhat a great idea! My guess would be that many diagnosed moms are just too overwhelmed with issues and just getting through the day - especially those with young kids who’d need child care- that many don’t even try to seek out ANY support group let alone one with a special focus on “moms”. Best of luck to you in this endeavour (sp?).
by CathyWoo-hoo Heather!!
by Tinaas always you and your newest “ministry” will be in my prayers.
by Jennifer in CAWhat a wonder idea. I think you will be surprised how well attended this support group will be. I would’ve loved this 9 years ago. Prayers continue…
by Laurielaurie
Heather,
Thanks for talking about this. Although I started having health problems at 30 it was not cancer related but heart related. My cancer was not found till I was 42. Which I don’t feel is old and I still had three teens and one pre teen at home. I felt like wow how am I going to do this. and I can’t imagine if my kids would of been younger. It took everything I had in the beginning to deal with it.
Then I found Gilda’s Club. I remember my daughter Becka she was thirteen at time. asking the same questions. Nothing harder then that. At the time there was a teen group to help and support the kids and Noogieland for the kids. But it still didn’t take away the fear.
I also felt cause my lymphoma pertained to facial and nerve reconstuction surgeries. That a typical lymphoma group did not pertain and everyone was older . I to asked could we do a different group for just head and neck. It took a long time for it to become a group a few years but it is big and strong now. Ironically most are the people in there were ten years or more older then I am. But its where I gather my most support.
I think this is a wonderful thing your doing Heather there is a huge need in the cancer arena for Moms..who are dealing with raising familied Not just moms but Dads to. They are the silent chosen to help us through this.
Everyone is right Heather this a ministry. Possibly the good that comes from something so horrible. I think God wants us to take fight it and gain the better health on the other side. He doesn’t want us to sit silent and not share it. He want those of us like you and the others here to remove the Stigma that goes with it. Possibly that is what *Living with Cancer * means.
I to sat in the crowds at football games, volleyball and track meets watching the kids. But the thought wasn’t far from my mine on how many other families were affected by cancer in the stands and in the world today. I still wonder I still think about it daily. But there is one thing that helped me I had the distraction of my Kids..and that was a blessing. They kept me in the land of the living even at the worst times. The helped me fight for things that I might not have done other wise.
When I think back ten years i think..the only way I did that was with God next to me. Cause believe me no way I could of with out Him there.
I often wondered why the cut off was 40. I guess I just felt at 42 if I knew anyone younger with cancer I would support them just as well and hopefully dig deep enough to reach out and hold a hand. But its not old by a long shot lol
I wish you loads of luck Heather. I know this the right thing. As I said God gives us trials, some hard has heck but I know He looks for those who rise to the call to help make it better for others. I am glad you have the vision to see the good it can do. I will to will pray for the stength and the wisdom to do so.
Always Hope
by KerryKerry
GREAT IDEA! This is going to be wonderful! And please let me tell you, I think you have God’s calling to lead and be inspirational! Your words on this blog have been so powerful, I’m sure you can be an inspirational light to the other moms. It’s very exciting!
by Monica C.I’m loving “seeing” you feeling better and having renewed hope… And I pray God will bring this group together–no matter how long it takes or how small it might be, you girls need each other! : )
by Melissa MayIt is amazing to me how many brilliant blessings are flowing from your life and how God is changing the lives of so many through you.
This support group definitely has God’s fingerprints all over the place and I can’t tell you how excited I am for this idea to blossom!
I will certainly add this to my prayer list and am so looking forward to see how God moves in this!
Hugs and prayers…
by April D.That sounds like an awesome opportunity for you…please keep us updated! Praying for you always…
by KandyHeather, what a wonderful ministry idea. This is how God turns something horrible into something wonderful. You are so inspiring. Reading your experience makes me wonder how my own mother must have felt, 37 years ago having cancer, raising children with no support group available. I think that she must have had similar thoughts, hopes, fears and insights as you so often post. I feel like your words give me a glimpse into what she may have been feeling. She passed away 37 years ago today at the age of 37. This year she’s been gone for as long as she lived. I was six when she died, and it doesn’t get easier. God Bless you, Heather. I pray for you often.
by RoseWish I lived in Florida. I would most likely attend.
Glad to see you wanting to minster to mothers.
by KateWooHoo! Go Heather Go! What a GREAT GOD we have that allows such blessings to come out of trials. Go and bless others and be blessed right back! Praying for you always, Lynnebee
by LynnebeeThis is SO awesome. I, too, felt the dearth of resources for Moms in this area. It’s odd, if you have an ill child, there is TONS of stuff, but no one really wants to talk about what is going on when Mom or Dad is ill.
I’ll check my calendar…maybe I’ll drive out the first day to cheer you on!
Heather
by HeatherI just love this women. Always looking out for someone else.
by Mark GeorgeWhat a wonderful way to help other young Mom’s.. I will be praying for you as the Lord takes you through this journey of giving of yourself to help start a much needed group such as yours….. hugz joyful
by joyfulHeather,
What a great idea.
I have not yet plugged in to a support group, it is on my list, but it would sure help to talk to other people with children at home.
My two youngest are clueless as to how serious this could be. For now that is okay, my son is not mature enough to handle it, and, with her disability, I doubt my daughter can deal with this before she has to.
I can still hope she won’t have to for a while.
by wanderingroseHeather,
There are many of us out here that are Mom’s with cancer. I was 42 when I was diagnoised. And I surely could of used talking to others with similar issues as I had. My youngest was 11 and my oldest was 16 at the time.
I remember my oldest sons cross country meets . I had it down to a science so I could be there. I remember thinking how many Moms have to fight there way to be part of their kids lifes..and see this stuff. I remember going to things to get my mind off of what I was feeling. Kids are a blessing and diversion at times. They keep us in the land of the living. Thank God.
I do remember my daughter Becka. becoming the little mom helping and doing things I couldn’t do. She also cried and wondered if I would die as well. Those are tough questions and ones we can answer. I will tell you they adjust . I hate that they had to . as they grow they realize life isn’t perfect. It rarely is and thats okay.
All of them learned the importance of faith and family. They are all in there 20’s now and mothering is at a different point But the still worry and still have things on their mines about my health but we continue to talk about it and as mom’s its important to so they understand whats happening.
I talk to Mom’s of all ages with cancer. I think its a common bond to worry about whats going to happen with our kids and their care as well.
I think its a wonderful Ministry. The best part is your willing to take the call and go for it. Some go through cancer and don’t change a thing. You my dear are very special. You see the need, You speak openly about your life and trial and then are moving on sharing the experiences to help others. I applaud you!!
A lot of my help and support was through Gilda’s Club in Metro Detroit. However I to was in a group for lymphoma it was mix of men and older women. Because I had head and neck lymphoma. this was not where I needed to be. I talk to the founders and they started a Head and Neck Support Group. which took some time to take off. That was in 97 and by 2001 my third time around it took off. And its still going strong. Is it worth it yes. It was hard waiting but I think worth the wait.
So go for it . If I was there I would join you. Young Mom’s need the support but I am willing to bet that many moms with cancer would jump on at the chance to sit and talk to others about this. I know I sure would. If it would help one young mom its worth it.
My thoughts and blessings go with you on this journey. Its an enlightening one thats for sure. I have met and been so blessed by the people I have meet as well.
I am getting the book reading it…then sharing it with a young friend who has brain cancer as well . Thanks for sharing that.
Hugs and Prayers for you journey. Always Hope , Kerry
by KerryHeather what a wonderful initiative. I hope that you will be successful in finding support for yourself but just as importantly, I hope that the word gets out there for other mothers struggling with the same concerns and fears. You are such an amazing, compassionate woman!! May God continue to guide and protect you.
by lisaHi Heather,
It sure sounds to me that the Lord is leading you into the next step of your ministry. What a wonderful group to start and with you there, it will be a double blessing. I sure do love your heart for God and for your family. I pray this week is a wonderful one filled with joy and healthy treatment.
Love you so much, Laurie in Ca. (Boy are we on fire around here, ash is everywhere!)
by LaurieHi Heather,
This is something so necessary for mothers. I am committing myself to make meals for people who are either too poor or just don’t have the energy. We need to concentrate on other illnesses as well. Right now the only support groups at churches or a lot of them seem to be addiction or divorce care which is of cource helpful and needed but I guess the other illnesses such as cancer seem to be hidden and if we can “expose” them by having a support group peope such as yourself can find a place to “be” and finally someone who understands what they are going through.
I know you will do it Heather, I see how committed you are to blogging and what an impact you have made to so many, I just cannot see you not starting a support group.
Praying for you, God bless
by MarieWhat a wonderful idea Heather, I hope you meet with more moms like yourself and find your group helpful, hopeful, and fullfilling. Still praying for you.
by MicheleOh Heather, you’ve done it again, this is a wonderful idea. I was 46 when I was diagnosed and my youngest child was 16 and a junior in high school. It was really hard on her, mainly because she is Korean and adopted and felt she’d already lost one mother and didn’t want to lose another one. I to wish there had been a support group for mom’s with cancer. After my bone morrow transplant, they put me in contact with a group with multiple myeloma, my cancer, but unfortunately, they were all much older and I was the only survivor. I finally stopped going because they had a hard time dealing with a survivor. So Heather, hang in there, there are a lot more mom’s with cancer then you would imagine and they need this new group and your inspiration. God bless you as you enter this new stage of support.
Hugs ‘N Prayers,
by campstamper03Norma
Hi Heather… There was a special poem that I had written a couple of months ago, The Lord never really showed me the right time to share it..until now, and since I have come to know you as a sister in the Lord. I have dedicated it to you on my blog and I pray you will be blessed.
I did not want to write it on your comments and take up alot of space. and wasn’t sure if I should have emailed it.
Hugz Joyful
by joyfulI agree with some of the others. What a ministry.
by PamelaTalk about being open to God’s leading.
What a great idea this is! I can’t wait to hear what God does through you and through the group!
by A Place For Ministry Wives“Where He leads me I will follow”…… It will be great !
by Teresa from SCYou never fail to inspire or encourage! It sounds like this a unique opportunity for ministry! The real mark of a heart surrendered to God is to be able to serve and minister to others even when you are in your own challenging circumstances. You Go Girl!
by Connie HopkinsConnie
You are an amazing and very generous person, thinking of others whilst fighing this huge battle. I wish you all the best.
by beccyI wish you the best in this new adventure, you are good at touching people’s lives in a positive way.
by CarolaHeather,
I am so proud of your strength, I can not even understand the pain and difficulty that you and your family is walking through. Your faith is so beautiful. Thank you for being an inspiration to all of us!! I thought you might like this link, it is a daily devotional that I receive, I read it for monday and thought of anonymous.
10/22/07
Obstacles, Enemies, and Neighbors
Jill Carattini
When I was a student fielding attacks on the Bible or the logic of Christianity, feeling threatened by the claims of other religions, or merely finding myself alone in the dark night of my own doubt, the discovery of apologetics was like the discovery of a good friend or a warm blanket. It is infinitely comforting to discover a God who can handle tough inquiry. It is more than assuring to realize the truth is not contingent on my making sense of it. And while it is good to discover that we can ask questions and be asked questions without feeling like the tower of faith will come crashing down, apologetics is so much more than a tool for the fearful.
While reading the other day, I happened upon something that alluded to the “Christian arsenal”–those items, ideas, and arguments that help Christians face a hostile world with certainty. Among other things, the author described helpful Christian resources for a world of challenging questions, harsh accusations, and conflicting worldviews. While some of the books in particular were things I, too, had found helpful, hearing them referenced in terms of weaponry seemed a disheartening incongruity. Like a chorus of triumphant debaters singing “Onward Christian Soldiers,” when apologetics becomes something aimed to help us fight, or to help us feel secure, the gospel itself seems somehow lost in the battle. Yet for many, the work of apologetics remains far more about ourselves than our neighbors, far more about the Christian arsenal than the love of God and creation. Subsequently, we do not present the gospel as good news, or even average news. On the contrary, we present the gospel as something that proves: “I am right!”
When the apostle Paul spoke to the Athenians at the Aeropagus, he did not come with a barrage of clever answers, trite comebacks, and confident scriptures. In fact, he didn’t quote scripture at all. He told them the story that changed his life, and he told it not in the language and imagery with which he would have most fluent, but in a language the Athenians themselves would recognize. While those of the Aeropagus kept themselves current with every new and coming school of thought and religious conjecture, they were likely unfamiliar with the Jewish Scriptures, the story of Israel, and the God who chose them–and us. Thus, Paul began at the beginning, but did so in a way that invited them to see he was telling their story, too. “Now what you worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you. The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands” (Acts 17:23-24). His arguments, reasoning, teaching, and commending were all offered in humility, respect, and love.
Of course, this is not to say the apostle’s words were easily embraced or dimly spoken. Before a council that regularly and eagerly heard new teachings, Paul presented a teaching that would not stand beside others, a Logos who would not remain as one lesson embraced among many. His words were controversial, but they were not hurled in battle. While there is indeed biblical imagery that alludes to the battles we fight and the conflicts that come when we carry the name of Christ, for the sake of the gospel, Paul strives to be “all things to all people” (1 Corinthians 9:22). While the call of Christ is indeed a call to put on spiritual armor, renounce what is false, and live counter-culturally, none of this imagery is intended to contradict the image Christ gave us of our neighbors. As Paul explains, “The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Galatians 5:14). The danger in seeing the Christian life as a battlefield and the work of apologetics as weaponry is that we begin to see enemies instead of neighbors, obstacles that need to be overcome instead of people we are commanded to love.
In his message to the Athenians, Paul not only established a common ground, he grounded their differences in thoughts that included philosophers they respected. He saw them as neighbors. “As even your own poets have noted,” we are “God’s offspring,” and therefore, not distant material byproducts of an unknown maker. God is far nearer than we realize, far closer than handmade idols contend, or obstructive altars permit. Within this crowd of first century Greek philosophers, the unique apologetic challenges were many. But Paul’s presentation was deftly suited to their specific worldviews, pursuits, and ideals. Far from using apologetics as weaponry, Paul spoke to crowd who had invited him to answer their questions. He spoke not to obstacles or enemies, but to men and women made in the image of the very God he stood before them to proclaim.
Jill Carattini is senior associate writer at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.
by NicoleThis site has been used by many mothers of young children on my breast cancer online support group. While mention of breast cancer is made, it could certainly be directed toward any type of cancer.
http://www.kidscope.org/kemo.htm
Perhaps you will find this website useful.
by PatParenting through Cancer support group - what a wonderful idea, Heather! I only wish there was some way mothers and fathers online could participate in sharing ideas, feelings, experiences about this topic with you! Reading your blog has already helped me so much as my husband who has Stage 3 anaplastic oligoastrocytoma and I are navigating parenting (and homeschooling) our 8 year old daughter, through the family experience of fighting brain cancer. And I say “family experience” because cancer affects the WHOLE family. Just last week, my daughter asked my husband, “Daddy, when you’re all better from cancer, can we go to …………..?” It hits you right in the stomach, not knowing the best way to reply to your 8 year old, when you know the doctors have said that he has a prognosis of 3-5 years survival. (It’s already been 2 years for my husband.) I, for one, would be eager to learn about any of the insights a Parenting Through Cancer group would offer. Let me know if something can be put together online under your blog. My husband and I are remembering you in our prayers. God bless you always!
by kathy mWhat a fabulous idea! You seriously rock, you know that, right?
xoxo
by Karen D.I have thought about just this so often since my diagnosis. There is a lot out there for young people with cancer, more for “older” people with cancer, but what about someone like me? I’m not young…I’m 41. I have an established life, family, marriage, etc. But I’m not old. My kids are still at home and need me to be their mom. How to answer some of their questions, how to be a mom AND a cancer patient…those are difficult and unanswered questions, indeed. I love your idea of a parenting through cancer support group!
by Kim